June 2010

Dear JF&CS Therapy Team,

Sometimes I wonder if my adolescent daughter is doing OK. She seems to be pulling away from the family. We used to talk about everything and now she gets angry if I ask her about school or her friends. Frequently, she is out with friends and misses dinner. She turns up the music loud and stays in her room when she is not out of the house.

Signed,
Worried.

Dear Worried,

Sometimes there is a fine line between normal adolescent behaviors and problematic adolescent behaviors. At times, teens are often more interested in their friends than their parents. Make every effort possible to continue talking with your daughter in a supportive, curious, and non-judgmental style, and stay observant.

Here are some warning signs for to look for that might indicate your adolescent (and your family) might be at risk for trouble (Not necessarily in order of importance)

1. A change in your child’s ability/willingness to talk or be with you and the family. (This could also be a normal part of adolescent behavior)

2. Lack of trust and open communication between the child and parents.

3. A sudden change in your child’s behaviors--such as excessive crying, aggressive behavior, frequent anger outbursts, isolation—these behaviors might indicate possible trauma, emotional or mental health issues with parents or children.

4. A change in your child’s school attendance or performance.

5. Blocks of time during which you are not sure where or with whom your child is spending time.

6. Blocks of time that your child is not being supervised appropriately. Do you know where your child is and if adults there are supervising them?

7. Your child is associating with older teens or adults rather than peers and / or you are concerned about her choice of friends.

8. There is drug or alcohol abuse by the child or adults who are parenting/supervising her.

9. Denial of evidence of problems, such as minimizing finding drugs or alcohol in child’s belongings or room.

10. Parents being suspicious of all of the child’s activities and trying to micro-manage them. Not allowing child opportunities to learn safely through exploration, trial and error.

11. The quality of the parent / child relationship is angry and judgmental, or distant, or criticizing and blaming; rather than being interested, nurturing, supportive, firm, consistent, predictable, and affectionate.

12. The family does not have a system of solving conflicts that involves talking and listening, rather than assuming; and asking children to be part of solution making, rather than imposing solutions on them while everyone is angry.

There might be other issues not listed above that are concerning to you. If you have concerns about your children’s behavior or with the quality of your relationship with them, you can call JF&CS at (314) 993-1000 to talk with Intake and/or to schedule an appointment with our clinical staff.